1.57pm BST
27 mins: Arsenal are languidly knocking the thing around in the manner of a team who don't have much at stake. Which, coincidentally, they don't really.
1.55pm BST
25 mins: An errant Diego Lugano header is jumped upon by Cazorla, but his cut-back doesn't reach the intended target and the attack withers and dies like one of those weeds in a weed killer advert.
1.54pm BST
23 mins: A slightly half-hearted chant of 'Bacary Sagna, we want you to stay' drifts around the Emirates. Chris Brunt has a shot from about 45 yards that goes wide.
1.53pm BST
22 mins: West Brom just had a corner. They didn't score from it.
Actually, I could get used to this - a very minimalist way of updating things, economy of language, freeing ourselves from the fearsome and oppressive yoke of the adjective.
1.51pm BST
21 mins: Mark Judd has a dilemma:
"Now something interesting has happened in this match should I take it that nothing else will and go off and cut my grass instead, or stay in the vain hope that it will turn into a classic? I dont even support either of these teams so it holds nothing for me."
1.51pm BST
20 mins: Nothing much is happening in the game, by the way. Arsenal just had a corner. They didn't score from it.
1.50pm BST
19 mins: Here's something potentially interesting. A group of Arsenal fans are protesting against the rather spicy ticket prices at the Emirates today, and there are a series of photos of their efforts here.
1.48pm BST
17 mins: Huge stat here:
Olivier Giroud with 27 now just one behind Merson and Vieira as Arsenal joint 12th top Premier League scorers.
1.46pm BST
16 mins: "Bendtner of course is Bendtner," says Niall Quinn about Arsenal's striking options, or lack thereof.
Oh, zing.
1.45pm BST
14 mins: That is a goal. Cazorla hoys the corner over from the left, and simple as Piers, Giroud holds off the challenge of Craig Dawson to head in at the near post. Easy old job.
1.44pm BST
Something interesting happened!
1.43pm BST
13 mins: Cazorla winds up to take a shot from about 30 yards, which he catches all of but Mulumbu blocks it, and rather confusingly for those that dabble in physics, falls forwards after the impact. Arsenal build another attack, and again it breaks to Cazorla, but again his effort is blocked by Mulumbu.
1.41pm BST
11 mins: Cazorla dinks a little ball over the top, but to whom is unclear and it goes through to Foster in the West Brom nets. It's all a little woozy and sun-kissed so far. Feels like an Emirates Cup game.
1.39pm BST
9 mins: Charles Bloomfield suggests this: "Perhaps a 21st century take on Sisyphus condemn him to a career selling Greek wine in Burgundy."
It's an option.
1.38pm BST
7 mins: Saido Berahino finds himself behind the Arsenal defence on the Baggies' left, everyone seems to stop assuming he's offside but he is no such thing. However, a heavy first touch means the Arsenal defence have time to recover, and his shot is half-blocked to the extent that Szczesny can gather easily.
1.36pm BST
6 mins: The camera cuts to Theo Walcott in the crowd, and the commentator notes that he is looking "cool" in his shades. This merely calls to mind the time at Wimbledon when the camera found Jerry Hall in the crowd, and Boris Becker commented "Oh! There's Jerry Hall in ze funky sunglasses."
Trust me, it was really funny.
1.35pm BST
4 mins: First chance of the game, as Ozil gets it down the left, scoops it into the area where Olivier Giroud chests it down to Lukas Podolski, who slices a shot wide of the near post.
1.33pm BST
3 mins: Bacary Sagna manages to see through the tears of what could well be his last home game to get on the end of a Mesut Ozil pass, but he can't do a great deal useful with it down the right flank.
1.31pm BST
1 mins: West Brom kick off and start with a Matt Le Tissier special*: the long ball to the touchline that sails out of play.
* Note that they are not taking part in any sort of betting hoopla.
1.30pm BST
Fans at the Emirates are being advised to stay in their seats at half-time. Can only assume Arsenal are trying to find something interesting they can entertain us with.
1.28pm BST
How to deal with Piers? Wrap him in paper, then post him to Ukip using one of their freepost envelopes. @NickMiller79
1.23pm BST
The trailer for the new Godzilla film has just been on. Will that be the most interesting thing to happen in the next couple of hours?
1.17pm BST
A question from Twitter:
@NickMiller79 do i stay inside to follow the something interesting might happen mbm or go watch our juniors play in @AberaeronFC tournament
1.13pm BST
@NickMiller79 and there's more! Two wins will give Arsenal as many points as the much celebrated 1999 @ManUtd treble winners
1.07pm BST
Word is that Aaron Ramsey has been rested specifically to annoy the Guardian after the big interview with Stuart James.
That or he's been rested. Your call, really.
1.03pm BST
@NickMiller79 here's an almost interesting point: this will likely be the last home game for @Sagnaofficial - he should take any penalties
1.02pm BST
"Do you want to win a trophy just so I can say to everyone 'I won a trophy'?" asks Geoff Shreeves.
Well, he probably wants to win a trophy because that's sort of the point of this whole caper, Geoff.
12.59pm BST
"We cannot win the league, but we can finish as close as we can to the team that wins the league," says Arsene Wenger.
Small victories, Arsene.
12.58pm BST
"I thought that the Grauniad had improved its copy editing and was untroubled these days by its once-notorious misprints?" writes Charles Antaki. "But some glitch has caused your announcement of the Arsenal team sheet to include the word 'Diaby'. Obviously a mistake, possibly for 'Vieira'."
12.52pm BST
Dan Lucas has a niche cricket gag to kick us off:
"Send out a press release saying he actually only faced down Shane Lee?"
12.40pm BST
Look who's back! Congratulations to @AbouVDIABY on his return after more than 13 months out! #WelcomeBackAbou pic.twitter.com/JlWfo2vliY
12.40pm BST
Oh yes, he's back. Suddenly we have the way of generating interest in this game that we were looking for.
12.39pm BST
Szczesny, Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal, Flamini, Arteta, Cazorla, Ozil, Podolski, Giroud. Subs: Fabianski, Jenkinson, Vermaelen, Kallstrom, Rosicky, Diaby, Sanogo.
12.30pm BST
Here's a reason to stay tuned - stats!
109 - Arsenal have scored 109 Premier League goals in May, more than any other side. Blooming.
12.30pm BST
Who's Piers Morgan?
Even if you are a Manchester United fan, upset at him for turning you down all those years ago, or a Stoke fan still cross that he's annoyed about having his leg snapped in half, you have to say that's magnificent from Aaron Ramsey. Indeed, he offers us all a lesson in how to deal with everyone's least favourite human being, who this week threw his hat in the ring for Jeremy Paxman's job, which is a little like Paolo di Canio rather hopefully filling in the application form to replace David Moyes. Ignore him, pretend he isn't real, and if you don't look at him for a while, then he might just go away.
12.30pm BST
Nick will be here from 1pm BST with all the build-up and team news ahead of the Premier League match at The Emirates. In the meantime, here's what the West Brom manager Pepe Mel has been saying in the build up to the game.
West Bromwich Albion's Pepe Mel believes his Arsenal counterpart,Arsène Wenger, would have been sacked had he experienced a similar trophy drought in Spain. Wenger's barren spell with the Gunners stretches back nine years, yet the club have kept faith with their manager.
The former Real Betis manager, whose side meet Arsenal in the Premier League on Sunday, admits such a poor recent record would not be acceptable at a top Spanish side. "I don't think Arsène would have survived in Spain," he said.
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