José Manuel Barroso, president of the European Commission, labelled the country a 'malade imaginaire', because the French are doing themselves down despite 'dazzling global success'
Name: Malade imaginaire.
Age: 222.
Appearance: By turns chic and dishevelled, debonair and nicotine-stained, coquettish and self-important. Chanel No 5 behind its ears, camembert on its breath.
Ooh-la-la! Could we be talking about France? Peut-être.
You forgot to mention baguettes. So what's with the "malade imaginaire"? That's how José Manuel Barroso described the country when he addressed French MPs last week – as an "imaginary invalid".
Who is this Josie woman? It's José, and he's the president of the European Commission, and he was, of course, alluding to Molière's famous comedy about a rich hypochondriac.
Of course. France, Barroso claimed, has every reason to feel confident, given its part in "dazzling global success stories" such as Airbus and Ariane.
Eh? Planes and rockets. Yet it persists in complaining about its "malaise" or "melancolie".
It's not like the French to do themselves down. They're not the only ones. As Canada's Globe & Mail put it not long ago: "France is in a funk. François Hollande is the most unpopular president in the history of French polling … Warnings about the country's economic decline have grown louder by the day … The wealthy are voting with their feet."
It's not all bad, then. But how was Barroso's speech received? Some MPs cried "Bravo!", apparently, while others opted for, "Scandaleux!"
I'd be confused too. Is it a compliment or an insult to be described as brilliant but self-pitying? Precisely. You know where you are when you're labelled "the sick man of Europe".
France again? Mais oui.
According to the Globe & Mail? Among others – such as our very own Guardian. Although Jacques Attali, former head of the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development, likes to claim the real "sick man of Europe" is Germany. The term has also been applied to Italy, Portugal, Greece …
Hahahaha. In your face, foreigners. Britain too, though that was back in the 1970s.
We got better, though, didn't we? For a while. It's not that long since economists were lamenting our "zombie economy".
That was just a blip on the way to sustained prosperity, wasn't it? Was it?
Er … You've gone very quiet. Are you feeling unwell?
Do say: "Do you need a loan?"
Don't say: "We could lend you our chancellor."
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