‘The Guardian is always going on about women and the menopause. What about fat middle-aged guys having a midlife crisis?’ As you may know I used to make a programme called Top Gear. Now I just hang around the house doing nothing. A friend whose name begins with R and ends with ichard Hammond says he used the down time to train his dog and that now his dog hates him. Which now makes the dog much like everyone else. If I wanted to die, I could take up golf, but instead I’ve decided to make another TV programme. One that is much the same as the last one, except it will be watched by fewer people. Which brings me back to the Elgin Marbles which the Greeks are bleating at us to return. I’m sorry but I would be all for giving them back if Johnny Greek showed any signs of being able to take care of them properly. Put them back and they’ll be a pile of rubble in days. Think about it. If only we’d dismantled Palmyra stone by stone and erected it in Milton Keynes next to the cows then at least the Syrians wouldn’t have been able to destroy it for themselves. Most countries can’t be trusted with their own history. Continue reading...
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