It’s Around the World week! Brace yourself for a Bollywood-style routine from the pro dancers, and adapt your usual Strictly drinking game to include shameless cultural stereotypes 8.15pm GMT So that’s it for tonight’s show! I have no idea what the hell that was all about, and I now need a very large drink.I’m predicting Sunetra and Brendan in the dance-off “tomorrow” probably with Mark and Karen, although it should be Jake and Janette really. But unless they come out doing the actions to the Birdie Song, it’s very likely that Sunetra and Brendan will be going home. Thank you for all your comments and contributions down below, you are amazing and brilliant. 8.11pm GMT Scores: 5, 8, 8, 8 – a total of 29 for Jake and Janette. 8.10pm GMT Craig thought it was a dance disaster – there was a mishap at the beginning and it all went wrong after that. Darcey thought it started well and she liked the fusion (nobody liked the fusion, Darcey), but it went wrong. Len thought it was a nice bit of Argentine steak with a Greek salad. Bruno loved the concept – a Eurovision tango with great entertainment value. Bruno would like to see it again. Very good chance of that in about an hour, Bruno. 8.07pm GMT Hard to see Jakie’s feet due to a) furniture and b) two other dancing couples. But what I can see feels a bit stiff in places, and not in a good way. And also not very Argentine, due to the speeding up of Zorba the Greek. Not very sexy, and bit of a mess really. 8.03pm GMT And FINALLY, It’s time for Jake and Janette! This week they’re dancing the Argentine Tango to ‘Zorba The Greek’. Of course they are. Why wouldn’t they? What could possibly be more batshit insane than an Argentine Tango to Zorba The Greek? 8.02pm GMT Scores: 9,9,9,9 – a total of 36 for Frankie and Kevin. Frankie looks a bit gutted. 8.01pm GMT Bruno thought they were on the crest of a wave – full of boisterous enthusiasm and energy. However because of the speed Frankie can throw away her free hand. Craig loved the synchronicity and the jiving on a surfboard in heels – fantastic. Darcey wasn’t expecting the bounce and energy – a great jive. Len thought he was “Frankie Bridge over troubled waters”. Dear god kill me now. 7.59pm GMT Frankie has ratty hair extensions, whilst Kevin looks adorable in red shorts. This is a cracking jive from Frankie, with great lift in her legs, good timing and bags of enthusiasm. A proper jive, with no backing dancers at all. It’s a ten from me. 7.56pm GMT Bear with me people, this hell is nearly over. Next up it’s Frankie and Kevin! Tonight they’re dancing the Jive to ‘Surfin’ USA’ by The Beach Boys. Because the USA is a country and oh who cares. 7.54pm GMT Scores: 9,10,10,9 – that’s 38 for Simon and Kristina. 7.53pm GMT Len thought it was fabulous – great footwork, hold and posture. Bruno thought it was wunderbar – pure and uncluttered, and captured the essence of the dance. Craig would like to see more expression in Simon’s hands, but he’s some such a long way. Darcey thought it was beautiful. 7.51pm GMT Simon is dressed as Captain Von Trapp, and Kristina definitely is never going to be a nun. Some nice heel leads from Simon, and this is all very charming and lovely. AND the extra dancers are in the background staying out of the way, so this is unquestionably my favourite dance of the night. 7.47pm GMT Next up it’s Simon and Kristina! Tonight they’re dancing the Waltz to ‘Edelweiss’ from The Sound of Music. Not a Viennese Waltz, mind, because that would make SOME KIND OF GEOGRAPHICAL SENSE. 7.46pm GMT Scores: 9,10,10,10 – that’s 39 for Caroline and Pasha. 7.45pm GMT Darcey thought it was fabulous, and Caroline is a great dancer. Len thought it was Caroline’s best dance. Bruno tells a Tommy Cooper joke, and compares it a mosaic. Or something. Craig thought she exploded like a Pot Noodle (eh?)I’m beginning to suspect I may be hallucinating. 7.42pm GMT So Caroline is in a Turkish bazaar dressed as a flapper, and Pasha has his chest out again. Well this is a very serviceable Charleston, but the bizarre/bazaar theming and extra dancers are making it weird and annoying. 7.40pm GMT Damn, Tess already used it. Where’s the fun in that? 7.39pm GMT Next up it’s Caroline and Pasha! This week they’re dancing the Charleston to They Might Be Giant’s version of ‘Istanbul’. Which is in Turkey, spiritual home of the Charleston, possibly. I remain baffled. Len comment prediction: “that was a Turkish delight from start to finish”. 7.38pm GMT Scores: 5, 7, 8, 7 – bit harsh from Craig there. 7.37pm GMT I miss Artem being Russia’s greatest love machine. Artem, why did you leave us? 7.36pm GMT Craig thought it lacked strength through the feet, and there was too much arm wafting. Darcey liked the storytelling and Sunetra’s arms. Len liked the timing and the mix of steps, but it needed more hip action and more sparkle. Bruno thought it was languid and laid back, but the foot placement wasn’t quite right. 7.34pm GMT Love Sunetra’s dress, she looks glorious. Brendan’s cricket trousers, however, are foul. This is an unexpectedly romantic Rumba, with gorgeous hips from Sunetra. Bit lightweight in places and not massively sexy, but I kind of enjoyed that. 7.31pm GMT It’s time for Sunetra and Brendan! Tonight they’re dancing the Rumba to the Dave Arch version of Michael Bolton’s version of ‘Girl From Ipanema’. The Rumba is Cuban, so they’re not even in the same hemisphere. I literally have no idea what’s going on. 7.29pm GMT Scores: 7,8,9,8 – a total of 32 for Mark and Karen. 7.28pm GMT Bruno thought Mark was the joker in the pack, which isn’t nearly as good as my imagined joker joke. There were some timing issues when he was “playing with three girls”. Craig thought the was ahead four times, and it needed smoother transitions, but Mark’s hip circles are second to none. Darcey loved the lifts, but it needed more finesse in the transitions. Len thought it lacked a bit of polish, but Mark went all in.I’m transfixed by the glow of Mark’s chest wax. He looks like he’s been polished. 7.24pm GMT Karen has a Fraggle caught in her knickers, and Mark’s hips are giving it both barrels. Not sure about the extra dancers – it works in Blackpool as the floor is so big, but all a bit crowded in the studio.Nice Salsa frame in hold, however, but his timing’s a little scrappy out of hold. Bags of enthusiasm and party spirit, however, enjoyed that. 7.21pm GMT So hang on, let’s get this straight. Tonight’s theme is actually “songs with place names in the title”. Why didn’t they just say so? Next up: Mark and Karen dancing the Salsa to ‘Fog on The Tyne’. ONLY KIDDING. This week they’re performing to ‘Viva Las Vegas’ by Elvis Presley. Place your bets on whether Mark’s hips will make an appearance. 7.20pm GMT Scores: 9, 9,10,10 – a total of 38 for Pixie and Trent.Did nobody else notice the dancing clog men? Did I imagine it? AM I TRIPPING? 7.19pm GMT Len thought it was a bouquet of terrific dancing – they captured the how and the wow. Bruno witters on in French – he loved the flowering flourish of the movement. Craig wasn’t disappointed either, the loved the theme and Pixie’s frame was beautiful. Darcey thought it was dainty and charming, with lots of ballet moves. Anyone would think that Pixie had had dance training *raises eyebrows* 7.16pm GMT This is already a saccharine hell, with sparkly windmills and men in clogs. Loving Pixie’s sparkly corset, however. Not watching the Waltz, too busy watching the skippy blokes in the background doing Beyonce moves who’ve clearly just fallen out of an Amsterdam coffee shop. What the hell was that? 7.13pm GMT First up it’s Pixie and Trent! This week they’re dancing the Viennese Waltz to ‘Tulips From Amsterdam’ by Max Bygraves, despite there being well over 1000km between Amsterdam and Vienna and this making NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. 7.12pm GMT And here are the celebs! I have no words. Other than “Trent: no”. 7.11pm GMT Out come Tess and Clauds! DRESS WATCH: classic LBD for Claudia, full length affair for Tess with elements of unnecessary harnessing. They’ve both worn worse. SMORGASBORD JOKE! DRINK! COMEDY FOREIGN HATS! DRINK!This is going to be a VERY long night. 7.08pm GMT It’s a Bollywood-themed pro dance! Aljaz and Pasha are rocking the open shirt and bare chest look. HELLO. Is twerking obligatory now? Ooh, and now some proper dancers who are considerably better at this Bollywood lark. Thank goodness.Well that was splendid. More please. 7.05pm GMT And we’re off! Previously on Strictly – best week of the series so far. Notable highlights include bonkers Samba twerking from Jake, Simon’s armography and Mark’s Tango trousers. Alas Steve and Ola went home. This week: Spurious Around The World Theme Night! 7.02pm GMT I love the idea of Top Gun winning an Oscar. If only there was a Best Homoerotic Volleyball category.YES, Rock Me Amadeus was a Pointless answer. WOO! 6.58pm GMT My 80s Oscar-winning film: On Golden Pond, and No.1 Single: Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus. And if that doesn’t show my age, I don’t know what will. 6.54pm GMT Hooray, Ian and Camilla are in the Pointless final. I love Ian. 6.29pm GMT Good evening, bonsoir, guten abend and καλησπέρα! It’s Strictly Come Dancing Around The World Week, which appears to be an excuse to fuse various song and dance styles into some kind of (potentially rabid) Strictly mongrel, AND indulge all our favourite stereotypes of Jonny Foreigner. So essentially Eurovision with extra tinsel. I can’t WAIT.I have no idea what this particular theme evening has in store, although I have heard a rumour that Trent will be sporting lederhosen. This is going to make him the spitting image of Friedrich from The Sound of Music, and everything about that is a nein von mir. Continue reading...
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