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5.49pm BST
The little genius wants that place in the pantheon, doesn't he?
5.47pm BST
... curls exactly the same free kick as he hit two minutes ago, towards the top right corner. Only this time it whistles into the net. Sheer brilliance! He's nearly halfway along the road to making this World Cup his own!
5.46pm BST
45 min: Nothing came of that corner, but Argentina are soon coming back at Nigeria. Or, rather, Messi is soon coming back at Nigeria. He's a force of nature, but you already knew that. He slides past three challenges down the inside right before being cheesewired by the leg of Oshaniwa. Clank! Messi steps up, and ...
5.44pm BST
43 min: Mikel clatters into the back of Lavezzi. Free kick to Argentina, 30 yards out, on the right wing. Messi takes, and wheechs a curler towards the top right. It's going in, and Enyeama is forced to palm out for a corner.
5.42pm BST
41 min: Mikel lumps a long ball down the left. Musa has no chance of catching it. That doesn't stop the winger giving it a go, and he very nearly achieves the impossible with a fast sprint and acrobatic hoick. But it was futile. Ivan Sidzhakov (35 min) is not going to be happy.
5.40pm BST
40 min: Argentina go straight down the other end and win themselves a corner on the left. Fernandez meets it with a strong header, and forces Enyeama to tip over. It was probably missing, but just in case. The second corner is a waste of time.
5.39pm BST
38 min: The free kick is floated towards the far post, where Odemwingie desperately attempts to head a ball heading out of play into the goal from a ridiculous angle. He can't manage it, and in any case Yobo has been all elbows and knees, and it's a free kick to Argentina.
5.37pm BST
36 min: Free kick to Nigeria, down the right, 30 yards out, Mascherano having bundled over Emenike. But before it can be taken, Aguero crumples to the turf. He's got some sort of muscle problem, writes Dr Murray, the Guardian's resident quack, who in all honesty has no idea, and will be replaced by Lavezzi.
5.36pm BST
35 min: This is all Argentina right now, in terms of possession at least. Nigeria are holding them off comfortably enough, and when they do get close to goal, the dependable Enyeama is in the way. Elsewhere, unlike the aforementioned Bob Dorough (backing vocals: Simon McMahon), Ivan Sidzhakov is of the opinion that ten, not three, is the magic number. "It's just a number and all, I know, but a player in the John Obi Mikel mould to be wearing the number ten jersey is just a travesty," he opines. "I'm holding the Super Eagles in contempt of the game." He's jazz riffin'! On Mikel's pain!
5.34pm BST
33 min: A snapshot by Aguero, just to the right of goal. Enyeama does well to turn it around the post. His reward, from the resulting corner, is an elbow from Higuain in his trouser arrangement. If that's not in a very special place, it's a bit of pressure on the old bladder. I hope the keeper hasn't taken on too much water, because he'll be in a lot of trouble with 12 minutes of the half remaining otherwise.
5.31pm BST
30 min: Di Maria has been, Messi apart, Argentina's star of this World Cup so far. Here he unleashes a low shot, 30 yards out, and nearly finds the bottom-right corner. Enyeama tips it round the post, and nothing comes of the corner, though Rojo isn't that far from guiding a high ball into the left-hand side of the goal with his nipples. Wide. Goal kick.
5.29pm BST
29 min: Messi passes the ball out of play down the right, making a mistake like a bog-standard human being.
5.28pm BST
27 min: Nigeria are not in a mood to die wondering. First Emenike hustles down the left, and is unlucky not to win a corner off Garay as the Argentinian defender shepherds the ball out of play. Then another Nigerian attack, and Odemwingie, down the right channel, sends a rising missile towards the top left. It's only just over the bar, and I'm not sure Romero was getting to that if the shot was on target. A fine effort.
5.27pm BST
25 min: Di Maria takes a step down the left, and from the edge of the area drags a shot across the face of goal and out on the right. Messi, channelling his inner Gazza, failed to toe-poke home as he slid in.
5.25pm BST
24 min: Good news for NIgeria: Bosnia-Herzegovina are a goal up against Iran. Only an Iranian victory, coupled with a heavy(ish) Nigerian defeat, can deny the African champs a place in the second round. As things stand, advancement is very much on the cards.
5.23pm BST
22 min: Emenike looks to break down the right wing, but can't keep the ball in play. Nigeria haven't shown much in attack since their goal, but they've kept Argentina fairly quiet, and that's more than enough at the moment.
5.21pm BST
20 min: Free kick for Argentina, 35 yards out, just to the right. The ball's lumped into the box by Messi, a teasing effort towards the right-hand post, with Aguero and Higuain bombing in. Mikel gets there first, and nearly eyebrows a header past his own keeper! But Enyeama reacts well to gather.
5.18pm BST
17 min: Messi embarks on another jig, down the right, and wins the first corner of the game. He sends it straight into the arms of the excellent Enyeama. Not so good that time, but Argentina already look a different proposition from the clumpish, constipated version that struggled so badly against Iran.
5.16pm BST
15 min: Messi goes on a rococo ramble down the inside-right channel. A one-two with Aguero, and then Higuain is sent into the area down the right. He reaches the byline and whistles a low cross into the six-yard area, but Enyeama is down quickly to smother.
5.14pm BST
13 min: Are these words not enough? They're not enough, are they. Here's an ever-expanding picture gallery to satisfy your desire for visual stimulation.
5.12pm BST
11 min: Enyeama is a busy lad. He's forced to come off his line and clatter the ball clear, Yobo having put him in a little bother with a backpass, Aguero and Messi right up in the defender's grille. "The Guardian Goals Guarantee is pretty powerful magic," says Veronica Fleury. Yes, but we'll let Messi and Musa have some of the credit too. Zero goals, I tells ya!
5.10pm BST
9 min: Argentina get their chops up again, and nearly score twice in a minute. First Di Maria blooters a shot from distance; Enyeama parries well. Then Messi pitching-wedges a chip down the inside-left channel to release Higuain into the box. The striker attempts to round Enyeama on the outside, but the keeper stands up well and the eventual shot is into the side netting.
5.08pm BST
6 min: Argentina, not a little stunned by that opening, are knocking it around the back in order to clear their heads. Wow. Two magnificent goals. Messi's strike was memorable more in the making - step forward Javier Mascherano and Angel di Maria - but Musa's was simply astonishing. This is on! Simon McMahon will be happy.
5.06pm BST
One minute and 2o seconds later, the powerful and tricky Musa makes good into the Argentinian area down the left, takes a touch inside, and curls an unstoppable work of genius into the top right corner! Messi who?!?
5.05pm BST
Messi's already three steps along the road to heaven according to the 1986 Maradona Plan! First Bosnia-Herzegovina, then Iran, and now Nigeria. Mascherano sends Di Maria free down the left with a gorgeous sliderule pass. Di Maria clatters the post. The ball rebounds off Enyeama, who had made an excellent fingertip save, but Messi's romping into the area to follow up, and slams home!
5.02pm BST
2 min: Mascherano is on the floor, rolling around, after Odemwingie planted his studs on his ankle. Nothing malicious, just an innocent coming together in a contact sport. This sort of thing happens in football, as the much-maligned Luis Suarez has been desperately arguing.
5.00pm BST
And we're off! Argentina, whose fans fill the stadium, get the match underway with the time-honoured kick-off routine. Here's hoping for a goalfest. I'm not the only one. "I'll be honest, I'm becoming a bit obsessed about the average number of goals per game at this World Cup," begins Simon McMahon, who has been poring over the record books. (Cris Freddi's up-to-date Complete Book of the World Cup e-book is the essential tome, by the way; get on it now if you haven't done so already.) "In particular, the number 3. It really is the magic number. Not since 1958 has the goals per game ratio in a World Cup been above it and in the last two it's been below 2.5. Before yesterday the Brasil 2014 average was sitting at exactly 3, 108 goals having been scored in the 36 games played. Then we had Italy, Uruguay, Costa Rica and England. Columbia and Greece did their best, but we need 15 goals in 4 matches today to get us back on track. Perhaps you can give us the Guardian Goals Guarantee? That should do the trick." OK, Simon, I'll try my best: there will be a grand total of ZERO goals in today's four fixtures, and that's a SUPER SOARAWAY GUARDIAN GOALS GUARANTEE!!! That should see you right, you know what our predictions are like.
Also, seeing you've been channelling your inner Bob Dorough with this three-is-the-magic-number lark, I suppose I should put up the song in question. But what with it being the height of summer in London, I've got a Christmas carol theme going on. So this will have to do instead:
4.54pm BST
The teams are out! Argentina sport their storied sky-blue-and-white-striped shirts, with tradition-defying white shorts which are NOT ACCEPTABLE. Nigeria meanwhile are resplendent in their famous all-green get-up. And it's time for the national anthems!
Nigeria's is a mash-up of Elvis Presley's Wooden Heart and one of the versions of O Little Town of Bethlehem. I'll be straight with you, I didn't realise there were two versions until running it through a popular internet search engine. Anyway, let's sing, sing, sing!
4.22pm BST
Nigeria replace Victor Moses with striker Michael Babatunde: Enyeama, Ambrose, Yobo, Omeruo, Oshaniwa, Onazi, Mikel, Babatunde, Odemwingie, Emenike, Musa.Subs: Ejide, Uzoenyi, Gabriel, Egwuekwe, Odunlami, Oboabona, Azeez, Nwofor, Uchebo, Ameobi, Agbim.
Argentina name an unchanged team: Romero, Zabaleta, Federico Fernandez, Garay, Rojo, Gago, Mascherano, Di Maria, Messi, Higuain, Aguero.Subs: Orion, Campagnaro, Biglia, Perez, Maxi Rodriguez, Augusto Fernandez, Demichelis, Palacio, Alvarez, Lavezzi, Basanta, Andujar.
3.43pm BST
Here's Diego Maradona in 1986, match by match. One: sets up three goals against South Korea. Two: a volley past world champions Italy. Three: sets up another against Bulgaria. Four: hits bar and has goal disallowed against Uruguay. Five: England! Six: Belgium fall to another ludicrous solo goal. Seven: sets up World Cup winning goal.
And here's the wee man in 1990. One: shackled well by Cameroon, but had the good grace to look theatrically frustrated. Two: unpunished as the Hand of God turns goalkeeper against USSR. Three: sets up goal against Romania. Four: plays greatest through ball of all time to set up winner against biggest rivals while being mugged. Five: misses penalty against Yugoslavia. Six: scores penalty against Italy with exact replica of penalty against Yugoslavia, having already plunged the host nation into civil war by pitting Naples against the rest of the country. Seven: ah well, all good runs have to come to an end at some point.
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